Unknown, p.9
Unknown, page 9
Thirty-one people gathered in the Kurtzes' living room; and with the Rosenzweigs arriving now, amid much hugging and handshaking and cries of "At last!" and "It's about time!" and the inevitable wolf whistles at Tammie Rosenzweig's ddcolletage, that made thirty-three.
That was a lot of people, George decided. Too many, really, when one considered how many of them weren't even close friends. Why, he and Phyllis barely saw the Mulhollands from one year to the next. And as for the Goodhues, they didn't even know them; they'd been invited by the Fitzgeralds. Leaning back against the bar, George held the glass to his eye and surveyed his guests through a frost of vodka. At times like this it was hard to keep track of them: too many faces to smile at, too many names to remember. Sometimes they seemed almost interchangeable.
Still, it was nice to have a living room large enough to hold a crowd this size. And anyway, George reflected, he and Phyllis had vowed that as soon as they'd moved into the house they'd become great entertainers.
A party like this was the perfect way to establish their new identities.
"George!" Phyllis broke into his reverie." Come over here and take Tommie's coat." She looked up at Herb." And as for you, I think you're a big enough boy to hang your own coat up. It's very informal tonight, we haven't really moved in yet. And you'll have to mix yourselves drinks, we don't even have a bartender!" She laughed, as if to suggest that, in the future, in this fine new house, bartenders would be routine.
Tammie was talking about how hard it was to find a decent sitter these days." And so finally we decided the hell with it, and left her off at Herb's folks. They never go out anymore anyway." She smoothed her new dress.
"Lord, George, this place is swell!" said Herb, pumping George's hand."
I'm just sorry we didn't get here earlier, so we could see it by daylight. Bet those trees are beautiful this time of year. But God almighty, let me tell you, it's hard as hell to find this place!"
"Weren't Phyllis's directions good enough?"
"Oh sure, they were all right." Herb followed George to the coat closet ." But I mean, it gets so dark out here in the country. I'm just not used to it." He paused until George had found a spare hanger for Tommie's coat." We took the Turnpike all the way up to New Haventhat part was fine, of course-and we got off at C, jus ce we were supposed to… But once you're off 81 the road gets pretty bad. It's like they suddenly turned out the lights! No markers or anything." He shook his head." You've got influence on the State Highway Commission, don't you, George? I mean, you really ought to do something about it. It's a disgrace!"
"Yeah, the roads are a little tricky at night, till you get used to them."
"Tricky? They're a lot worse than tricky, let me tell you. I damn near hit something! Honest to God, I think it was a bear."
"Oh, come on, Herb!" George slapped him on the back." You've been living in Yonkers too long. This is the country, sure, but it's not the middle of the woods, for Chrissake! This icu. ' ere haven't been bears around here for hundreds of years."
" Well, whatever it was-"
"Probably some poor old sheep dog. All the farmers around here use'em."
"Okay, okay, it was a sheep dog, then. Who knows? It was so dark..
. Anyway, I nearly hit the thing, and I would have if Tammie hadn't yelled. And then I got so rattled I missed the turnoff at, what is it, Death's Head?"
George laughed." Brother, you've got some imagination! You Madison Avenue guys are all alike. The name of the town is Beth Head, dummy!
Beth Head."
Herb laughed, too." Anyway, I missed the place completely and ended up driving into the gates of some state park. Can you believe it?
Tammie was having a fit' We're looking for your house and we end up in some damned park!"
"Yeah, that's Chatfield Hollow. I've done some fishing there. Very nice area."
"It must be, during the day. But it's not the kind of place I like to visit at night. Tammie thought she saw a light in the ranger's cabinyou know, the one by the gates-and I got out to ask directions. I mean, we hadn't even brought along a goddamned map!"
George grinned from ear to ear." Poor Herb! You'll just never make a backwoodsman!"
"Damned right!" laughed Herb." Tammie was fussing about her goddamned dress so much she didn't even think to… Well, anyway, I'm walking up to this godforsaken little cabin, and immediately I see that Tammie was wrong, there's no light in it, the place is boarded up for the season and all… But just in case, I start pounding on the door, you know?, and yelling for the ranger. I mean, we were really lost!" He lowered his voice." Besides, I knew Tammie would squawk if I didn't make sure it was really empty."
"And was it?"
" Of course it was! Who the hell would hang around a place like tl,at all night?" He shook his head." So there I am, pounding on this door and wondering if there's a pay phone around so maybe I could call you..
.. When I hear something lumbering through the bushes." :,Probably the ranger." 'I didn't wait to find out. You should have seen how fast I got back into that car and took off! Believe me, I was ready to head right back to New York, but Tammie wanted to show off her new dress." He paused."
And of course, I wanted to see this place."
You tell Tammie what you heard?" 'Are you kidding? She'd make such fun of me I'd never hear the end of it. Listen, she thinks I'm a coward as it is. She's the tough one, she really is. I'd never have found this place if it weren't for her. She caught that last turnoff after I was half a mile past it. The damned thing's almost hidden by trees! You ought to cut a few of them down, for Chrissake!"
"I thought you were supposed to be the big conservationist."
Herb laughed." Well, just because I send money to the Sierra Club doesn't mean I have to worship trees. I mean, someone's going to have an accident one of these days. Really, George, you ought to do something about it. Get them to put up some lights or something.
You've got influence with the Highway Commission, don't you?"
" Not as much as people seem to think."
"Well, anyway, it's a safety hazard. I mean, that winding road, so goddamned narrow that I had to go about twenty miles an hour…
It's just a good thing there weren't any cars going the other way. As a matter of fact, there wasn't a single other car on the road. Pretty desolate for a place so close to New York."
"No pollution."
"Damn right! Hey, I mean it, old buddy. I may not be a nature freak, but I think it's great out here. Like to live here myself."
"Why not move, then? There must be a few homesteads for sale in these parts. I know there are a couple in the next county. I could even help you look. I mean, it gets a little lonely, sometimes…
"Hey, I thought you liked living way out here."
"Oh sure, of course I do. Wouldn't trade it for the world. I just mean, we don't have any friends in the area yet, and it'd be nice to have someone nearby."
"Aw, you make friends pretty quick, George. Besides, I could never afford a place like this. I mean, all this land!"
"No, really, it wasn't so bad. Didn't cost much."
"Come on, man! You've got room for a couple of good-sized golf courses out here. And that driveway of yours, it's as long as a country road.
You know, I have to keep remindi ow near we are to the city. There's so much land, I'll bet you could go hunting right on your own property. And probably get lost, too."
"Yeah, well, I guess we're really out in the sticks."
"But that's the best part! I mean it, that's just great! That's the whole point of living out here, I can see that now. The seclusion, the solitude… Boy, could I do with some solitude these days!"
"Business pretty rough, huh?"
"Boy, you know it! We're all tightening the belt. How about you?"
"Oh, pretty much the same, I guess."
"Aw, now don't be modest, George. You're always selling yourself short.
This place must have cost a pretty penny."
George paused and cleared his throat." Well to tell you the truth, it cost me almost nothing. Got it for a song. The owner went a little you-know -what." He tapped his head.
"Christ! Leave it to you to find the bargains!" They were back in the living room now. Herb gazed around him, taking in the furnishings, the sheer size of the room, the familiar faces of the other guests.
"Oh well, I guess the rest of us will just have to get along with our little shacks in the suburbs!"
"Not me, man," Walter piped up." I'm buying myself an estate just like this one." The others paused in conversation. Walter grinned.
"Just as soon as the market picks up!"
"You'd better watch out, Walt," called Frances." Someday somebody might just take you seriously. You'll run into some real estate sharpie and wind up out in the street, walking around in a barrel!"
Milton moved toward them, staggering slightly, and put his arm around Walter's shoulder. He was very drunk." If you wanna buy some land, you don't hafta wait till the market's better," he said." You just gotta know the right people. Isn't that right, George?"
Under the weight of their curious stares, George managed to maintain his smile-but it was an effort." Oh, you need a little patience, that's all. And you have to wait till the right deal comes along. I was just lucky, I guess." The look he gave Milton was not very pretty.
Phyllis stepped forward, not a moment too soon, and announced gaily, "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm just grateful to be living in a place like this. And now that Herb and Tammie are finally here, I'd like to show you just how lucky we are."
"Well, it's about time," said Ellie. She turned to the rest." She's been keeping us in suspense."
" You mean at long last we'll get to see it?" asked Frances.
"That's right," replied Phyllis, all smiles. She fluttered her eyelids in parody of a Grand Duchess." Madame Kurtz will now escort her guests around her palatial estate."
George managed an apologetic laugh." It's just an old barn," he said."
Honest-nothing but a barn!"
"See, I got him trussed up pretty tight now. Won't catch me making the same mistake twice, no, sir!" 'Are you sure the straps aren't a little, urn, too tight?" 'You kidding, Doc? If I loosened them things, he'd Yip the bandages off in two seconds flat. No, sir, nothing doing.
The doctor stepped into the room." Well, hello there, " he said genially." I'm sorry to find you like this. Hope you're not terzibly uncomfortable. Just as soon as those lacerations heal, we'll remove those bandages and then we'll see if we can't get you out of that jacket, okay? We believe in giving our patients here a second chance.
The man on the bed glared at him.
'And so I do hope that, urnHe turned to the orderly." Can he hear what I'm saying?"
"Oh, yeah, he can hear you fine. But we think he mustve done something to his vocal cords, you know? He don't seem able to speak " He smiled "Just between you and me, I ain't so broken up about that. I mean, all that screaming, it was really getting to me. Always going on about feeding time… I mean, you'd think we never fed the guy!"
"It isn't fair. Honestly, it just isn't fair." Ellie gestured toward the bedroom." Just look at that. That's exactly the kind of bed frame Milt and I have been looking all over New York for."
"I'll bet it's real brass, too," said Doris." Hey, Frannie," she called over her shoulder, "do you think that bed frame's real brass?"
Frances emerged from the bathroom, Irene Crystal in tow." I'm afraid so," she said." God, I'm absolutely green with envy. And that quilt, did you ever see such a thing? It must have taken years! Don't you just love it?"
"Oh, I do," said Doris." It's beautiful." She ran her hand down one of the gleaming bedposts.
"It's criminal, that's what I think," said Ellie." Here I spend my whole life dreaming of a house in the country with a greenhouse and a pantry and a kitchen big enough to walk around in-"
" And a real library," said Doris.
"That's right, a real library, the kind they have in those Joan aine movies, remember? With comfortable chairs and little tables next to them so you can sit and sip your sherry while you read…
And who gets all this? The Kurtzes. I tell you, it's simply criminal.
I mean, has anyone ever seen either of them so much as open a book?"
" Oh, George is a reader," said Frances." I can tell."
"How?"
She grinned impishly." There's a pile of Sports Illustrateds in the bathroom!"
"And how about that nursery?" said Doris. She enjoyed baiting Ellie.
"Yes, can you imagine? A separate nursery, and they don't even have children. It makes me so angry I could positively scream!"
"Oh, come on, El," said Frances, "don't get all worked up. Your two kids aren't exactly toddlers anymore. Your oldest is already out of college, for God's sake!"
"Still, all I can think of is how nice this place would have been when Milt and I were just starting out. Damn it all, going home to Long Island's going to be such a letdown."
"You're not kidding," said Irene." And the ride back's not going to be much fun either. Jack s been grumbling about it all night. We figure if we leave here at eleven-I mean, we've got to stay at least that late-we won't be home till past one."
"Well, my husband had a brilliant idea," said Frances. She seated herself on the bed." He took one look at that guest room down the hall, the one with all those antique toys in it, and decided he wanted to spend the night here. He says if we hang around long enough, they'll have to ask us to stay the night."
"Hey, you little schemers in there!" They all looked up in guilty surprise, but it was only Mike Carlinsky standing tall and fat in the doorway, his fiancde on his arm." I heard all that. You can hatch all the plots you want to about staying the night, but I warn you, Gail and I have dibs on this room." He strode inside, the wide plank floorboards creaking beneath his weight.
"Sorry, Mike, I'm afraid you're out of luck," said Frances." This one's the master bedroom. See? Two dressers, two mirrors, and matching night tables."
Carlinsky grinned." But just one bed, huh?" Its springs groaned as he seated himself heavily upon it." Room enough for two, I'll admit, but still… didn't think old George had it in him anymore."
Fred Weingast poked his head into the room; other voices came from the hall behind him." Michael, I do declare, you're getting as catty as the girls." He leaned against the doorway, still holding his half-filled cocktail glass." I don't know about you people, but I'm not so sure I'd want to spend the night way out here. I'm a city boy, you know. Places like this make me nervous."
"Aw, what's the matter?" said Carlinsky." Can't fall asleep without the sound of traffic?"
"He'll miss the roaches," said Ellie.
"Come on over and sit down with us." Carlinsky patted the bed beside him; there was just enough room for one more person.
Weingast looked doubtful." Well, I don't think old George would be too happy if his bed collapsed… Think I'll go take a look at the attic, if I can make it up those stairs. I hear it's really something.
Anyway, kids, you'd all better mind your manners. Our esteemed hostess is on her way upstairs-" He glanced back over his shoulder. accompanied, I do believe, by her royal entourage."
Indeed, the babble of voices grew louder; Phyllis was conducting her promised tour of the house.
Initially the company had trooped after her like a column of dutiful schoolchildren, gaping at the various rooms that formed the first floor: the parlor and the pantry, the library with its walls of closely packed bookshelves broken only by a set of windows, the kitchen with its original oaken beams and the cast-iron meat hooks still hanging from them, the dining area and the storerooms and the fragrant little potting shed that led into the greenhouse…
But thirty adults, inebriated at that, had proved a difficult group to keep together; they'd spilled over into the balls, getting sidetracked over old maps, lagging behind and returning to the living room to refill their glasses. At last she'd simply given up, and had encouraged them to wander wherever they pleased.
"Just make sure Walter doesn't trip down the stairs," she'd said, winking at him." He looks drunk enough to break his neck! And oh, by the way, I know most of it's junk, but please try not to break anything at this early date. Wait till we've lived here a bit longer!
Otherwise, you can have the run of the house and, I guess, the run of the grounds-if anyone feels like stepping outside in this weather."
She glanced doubtfully toward the window.
" What's the matter?" said Herb, "don't the bathrooms work?"
Phyllis laughed." I just mean that if you're going to get sick, I'd rather you do it outside, all over the dead leaves, than on my nice new carpet! "
Most of the women had Unmediately gone back to the kitchen to exclaim once again over the maple breakfast table and the old wrought-iron gas range with the extra-deep compartment for baking bread. Others had gone ahead to the second floor, and a few of the men had made straight for the narrow stairway to the attic, vowing to "work from the top down."
Phyllis was now advancing along the upstairs hall, accompanied by the more faithful of her audience, including Cissy Hawkins, who followed her like a child afraid of getting lost.
"Wow," Cissy was saying, "the steps in these old houses are so steep!"
She lingered near the top of the stairs, catching her breath.
