Echo, p.25
Echo, page 25
part #1 of The Elan Series
“Then you’d be betting on a lost cause,” I said, “because it ain’t gonna happen.”
After we finished breakfast, we drove to Blue Moon’s to get some supplies for our spell work. I had to substitute dried Hyacinth for fresh, and I prayed that it wouldn’t change the outcome too much. I needed this spell to stick so I could go on with my life, but most importantly, so I wouldn’t get arrested and thrown in jail for having a relationship with a minor.
We prepared as usual with baths, altar arrangement, and meditation. The universal hum began right away and I moved to the candle preparations. I anointed them as the spell called for, using two figure candles to represent Derek and me, and arranged the stones. Finally, I placed my amulet in the center of the arrangement. I would wear it at school for protection from any emotional projections he might send to me. Hopefully, it would also protect me from Dori’s clairvoyant meddling.
“Take my hand,” I told Hannah. “Remember, hold the image of me and Derek going our separate ways at school. I’ll end the spell with So let it be so you’ll know when to release the image.”
“Got it.”
Then I began. I lit the candles and started the chant.
“End this urge that I desire.
Yearning like a burning fire.
And give me peace,
Through cosmic release,
From karmic payment required.”
I chanted the spell three times, trying to hold onto the image of Derek at the end of a long corridor smiling back at me. Even in the minute-and-a-half that it took to cast the spell, I had a hard time keeping the image of us separated intact. I hoped the images that flashed and interrupted my visualization wouldn’t affect the intended outcome of my spellwork. I just wanted a normal, trouble-free life teaching my students and not worrying all the time about being caught with my underage lover.
We let the candles die out, then reset the altar with Hannah’s candle-stone arrangement for her spellwork.
“I’ll say it one more time, Hannah,” I warned. “You should work on making yourself into the person that Drew would want instead of trying to force him to want you.”
I had helped her write the spell as best I could so she wouldn’t have any cosmic kickbacks, but I was still unsure of that one part about Drew desiring her. Wasn’t that trying to bend his will to hers? Would it backfire on her? I hoped not.
“It won’t backfire,” she said, reading my thoughts again. “You’ve got the wording down just right. Not too demanding, but not too weak either. Just enough to get me to not want Aaron,” she paused, cutting her eyes up at me, “and to get Drew to kick his pursuit up a notch.”
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Tara! No negativity,” she snapped, “Otherwise it’ll be your fault if it backfires.”
“Oh, no,” I countered. “You’re not putting that on me.”
“Then visualize the outcome I want and don’t deviate.”
“Okay.” I closed my eyes and thought of Drew and Hannah as a couple, dancing with my parents, but Aaron’s lonely profile kept sneaking into the image.
Finally, Hannah placed everything in the right position on the tray and began her spell.
“Cease the longing that I knew
For the one who isn’t mine.
Replace it, too
With desire from Drew
And let it grow over time.”
The flames of her candles sputtered and sparked with the third chant. “That’s a good sign, right?” She looked at me for confirmation.
“I don’t know. It could just be that the universe has heard and will work the power to the greatest good, whatever that is.”
“But the point was clear right?” she asked, trying to get the answer she wanted out of me. “I asked for Drew’s attention, and to be free of any attraction to Aaron. So I should get it, right?”
“I don’t see why not,” I answered as best I could. “It was a simple, straightforward spell. Nothing vague about it.”
“Good.” She smiled and sat in silence watching the candles burn down.
*****
It didn’t take long to find out if my spell had worked. By the middle of the week, I knew I had succeeded. Derek was ignoring me in class and Dori had given up on sitting with me at lunch. I simply ate in silence, and left as soon as I was done. I still chose to sit in the quad, even when on Wednesday, Dori rose and walked away to sit with Eli, Derek and Cheyenne.
I watched her walk to their table and slide in next to Eli, who was like a brother to her. But when I looked at Derek, who had Cheyenne nearly crawling into his lap, he was staring at me. I dropped my gaze, my blood boiling at the thought of him with her, and silently laughed when he picked up on my feelings and transmitted that anger into Cheyenne. She shrugged his arm off her shoulder and stomped away, not even bothering to dump her tray. Derek didn’t follow her, which led me to believe that most of what he was doing was just to piss me off.
Thursday, though, felt different. From the moment I stepped out of the car at Carter High I knew something was off. I finished scribbling the last of what I remembered from my dream the night before in my dream journal. As I slammed the door and slung my bag over my shoulder, a sharp sense of apprehension gripped me. My stomach tightened when I entered the main building. Everyone seemed alright, except Dori, who was waiting for me in the workroom. From the look on her face I could tell something was wrong.
“What is it?” I whispered.
“It’s fine,” she whispered back. She turned to the copier pretending to make copies as Kathy, the receptionist, entered to stick a note in a teacher’s box. I flipped through my mail, waiting for Kathy to leave.
“Then why do I have this ominous black hole in my core?” I continued once Kathy left.
“He won’t be here today and tomorrow,” she said, still whispering.
“So?”
“Without his shield, you feel everything around you,” she said. “He has been protecting you so much from what everybody else is feeling and saying about you. And us.”
“What are they...” I was interrupted by the bell. I had just five minutes to get to my classroom.
“Have lunch with me today?” she pleaded.
“Okay,” I agreed as I hurried from the workroom.
In the halls, I sensed that many pairs of eyes were on me, but when I scoured the crowd I couldn’t tell. In PR5 the paranoia lessened. Maybe it was that these were my students, maybe it was that there were fewer in the room than outside. Whichever, it was a welcome relief.
My first three classes went smoothly. The students were antsy and more annoying than usual, but for high schoolers that was normal. I spent the majority of my time hovering over the student computer stations helping with test prep. And I spent a good deal of time worrying over Dori’s statement–‘what everybody else is feeling and saying about you.’
By the time lunch rolled around, though, the paranoia had reached Big Brother level. I hurried through the line, cutting in front of many students and earning many dirty looks, but I didn’t care. I had to know what Dori knew.
She was sitting at my table, not in her usual spot, when I entered the quad.
“So, tell me straight,” I said, sitting across from her. “Do people know?”
“They suspect,” Dori replied. She glanced around the courtyard. “Especially the students in your sixth period. They can feel the tension in the room. Derek has taken these two days off to work on controlling that. He sort of can’t help it, though. You two are joined and gravitate toward each other on a transcendent level.”
“But I thought the spell I cast would cut our ties, and we’d be able to go on living our separate lives.” I absentmindedly stroked my amulet, wondering if I’d messed the spell up somehow. “He’s been ignoring me in class all week.”
“Your spell,” she said, her lips pursing as if trying to rid herself of the bitterness of the word, “couldn’t cut ties with Derek even if you sacrificed your first-born. The Quickening ties are ended only by Actuaries who are elders, in a Severing Ritual that was last performed almost a century ago.”
Overlooking her condescending tone and patronizing attitude, I asked, “Then why has he been avoiding me?”
“Because of the emotions he’s picking up from the other students around you.” She glanced over at the table where Derek usually sat. Cheyenne glared back, not at Dori, but at me. “He thinks that if he disconnects from intercepting your feelings then he can’t project them onto others,” she nodded toward Cheyenne and Eli. “But if he disconnects, he won’t be able to shield you either. You’ll get bombarded with all of these emotions flying from everyone. And with your sensitivity from the Quickening, it can really knock you on your butt.”
I glanced at the table across the courtyard. Cheyenne and Eli were sitting next to each other, talking. Every so often they looked up at Dori and me. “I can handle whatever they send out.”
“It’s not just that, though,” she said. “Derek also picks up on what you feel and sends it out to others.”
“I don’t understand.”
For example,” Dori explained, “Cheyenne hates you. She doesn’t know why, but when Derek and I sit there with that group, he is all into you. Physically, emotionally, totally. And you sit here angry with him. He picks it up and, if he is touching Cheyenne, she gets it. It has a residual trace of your essence, so she feels that way toward you.”
“You make it sound so simple.” I imagined Cheyenne storming from the quad yesterday and smiled again at her discomfort. Though I still knew I shouldn’t be with him, I detested the idea of him with another woman.
“But it’s not. It’s not simple at all,” Dori said. “You’ve got to get a handle on your emotions. You can’t just be pissed at him and send it to him anymore. He’s feeding it to others.”
“Who else?” I asked, eyeing the group across the courtyard. Michelle? Eli? Josh?
“Eli,” Dori said.
“How?”
“The desire, the longing, DJ has for you, Eli picks it up.” She smiled at Eli, who returned her smile from across the quad.
“But can’t Derek just not touch them? Then they won’t feel anything.”
“I know he told you that he doesn’t have to touch anyone anymore to affect them,” she said. An image of our four-wheel riding at Lake Cherokee popped into my head. “DJ’s emotions roll freely from him if he doesn’t control them.”
“And he can only control them when he blanks over,” I said arranging my lunch trash on the Styrofoam tray.
Dori nodded and continued, “He has to feel those emotions and not keep them in check for them to float off and land on anybody near him.”
The bell rang, ending lunch and surprising us both.
“So what do I do?” I asked dropping my tray in the trash can.
“You have to blank over like he does,” she said. “Try not to feel anything. Try not to take anything anybody says to heart. Don’t let their comments or actions hurt you.”
“That might be hard for me.” I grew up a people pleaser. It bothered me if people didn’t like me, and I hated hurting others by being cold and distant.
“If you’d like I could teach you some coping techniques.” Dori shoved her wrappers into her lunch bag and moved toward the main building.
“I’ll think about it and let you know tomorrow.” I waved to her as she was swallowed up by the masses.
I waited until I knew the halls would be clear, armed with only Dori’s instructions to shut down and toughen up. I breathed in deep then exhaled and cleared my mind of any negative thoughts. I’d have to do better than that; I had to clear everything out of me. Be totally empty, like Derek so often was.
Mr. Howard was finishing his lunch when I walked in. Instead of planning, Mr. Howard thought it would be a good idea to repeat this week’s reading schedule for next week. I agreed, mostly because I was focused on how to barricade myself emotionally so I wouldn’t be plowed over by sixth period’s angst.
My muscles began to ache the minute the first student entered. I had tensed myself for the last two hours so that now a knot had formed in between my shoulder blades.
“Get ready, here they come.” Mr. Howard steeled himself at the door. He, too had noticed the change in the class atmosphere and didn’t know what to make of it. I nodded as I flipped in my planner to today’s lesson on highlighting text for comprehension.
I closed my eyes one last time, forcing all sentiments out of me. When I opened my eyes, the room was full. Derek’s seat, however, was conspicuously empty, and I almost eased into the ever-present longing at the thought of him. But I noticed Eli and Cheyenne, heads together whispering, glancing at me between their murmurs.
Ignore them, they’re just trying to get a rise out of you. I sensed my face become one blank stare as I scanned the room, mentally taking roll. I also used this moment to see if I could pick up on any odd behaviors that would signal suspicion.
“Okay, class,” Mr. Howard began at the ringing of the late bell, “today Miss McAllister will lead a lesson on highlighting for understanding. You should get out your highlighter and reading book and be ready right after the warm up.”
The lesson went off without a hitch. I remained totally detached, even when Cheyenne gave me lip about her nonparticipation. I didn’t get upset, I didn’t even react. I simply told her she’d receive a zero for today’s grade if she didn’t get it done. That elicited a grumble of complaint, and I thought I heard her call me a nasty name under her breath, but I was proud of my self-control.
Eli was a little harder to deal with. Numerous times he called for me to help him at his seat, only to smile up at me and compliment my hair, or clothes, or explanation of the lesson. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was coming on to me. I cut him off each time by returning to the lesson. After the third time, I told Mr. Howard that he would have to work with Eli because apparently I wasn’t getting through to him.
When the class was over and it was time to go home, I’d figured out that I did need Dori’s help to turn myself on and off. My amulet wasn’t working the way I wanted it to and it was so draining to be disconnected for two hours; I didn’t know how I was going to do it all day every day.
My only other option was to allow Derek to continue to shelter me, but that wasn’t feasible since we weren’t supposed to be involved. I would just have to learn to shut myself off from him as well.
Psychic Shield, n. – An energy force formed around
the physical body, meant to protect the physical,
mental and emotional bodies
Chapter 22 – Derek
After taking two days off to get a grip on my projections, classes on Monday felt weird. The more the day went on the more drained I got. The talking-about-me-behind-my-back that everyone was doing drove me nuts and the tension pushing at me made me want to puke. I reached out for Tara’s élan. The comfort of her calming spirit had leveled me out many times before. I searched for it, but couldn’t find it.
At lunch I waited at my table, watching for her to exit the cafeteria and sit in our old spot. She never showed. I crossed my hands on the table and rested my head on them. Closing my eyes, I sought her spiritual pull.
“DJ, are you okay?” Cheyenne touched my shoulder. Her concern traced with lust nudged at my consciousness.
“I’m fine, Chey,” I said shrugging her hand off. “Just tired.” I lifted my head and covered my eyes with shades to block the glaring sun. “Where’s Eli?”
“I think he snuck out to his truck for something.” The bell rang to end lunch before he returned.
As I entered class, I pulled my shades off and squinted under the fluorescents. Tara stopped me at the door. “Derek, you okay? You don’t look too well.”
“Rough night,” I mumbled. I trudged down the aisle and fell into my seat next to Eli.
“Dude, you look wasted,” Eli said. “Who’d you do last night?” He cut his eyes at Tara and turned back to me.
“Bro, you got to drop this,” I said. “Ta…Miss McAllister is too old and too prissy for me. Besides, she’s a teacher. When have you ever known me to chase brains over bod?”
A pained look crossed Tara’s face. My head was pounding. I opened my empathy up to search for the gentleness she held hidden inside, but I was barred. I pushed harder, directing my élan at her, and watched as her eyebrows drew together. She may not have known I was trying to connect with her, but she felt something.
Her hand went to the charm on her necklace and her lips moved in silence. So that’s it! Her magick must have finally worked. She had charged her pendant and created a chant to block me.
“But, man, she’s got both,” Eli interrupted my thoughts. “Smart and stacked. And the way she looks at you, you lucky bastard. You could have her any way you want!”
“God, Eli! Get real.” My patience was running low. “She’s just doing her job, making sure I graduate. For God’s sake, she’s not even my type! Look at Miss McAllister and look at Cheyenne. You get what I’m sayin’?”
I glanced at Tara, who looked quickly at Cheyenne before she darted her eyes at me. I smiled but she dropped her gaze. At the sound of her name, Cheyenne scooted into the seat next to me. I doubled my shield to block anything she was sending out. I just couldn’t take her right now.
“You wanna go to the Sugar Shack with us after school, DJ?” Cheyenne asked leaning in close. My gaze fell to her tits, pushed together for my benefit. I rolled my eyes and refocused to the front of the room.
“I can’t,” I said. “I gotta get home to the little ‘uns.” The bell to start class buzzed before she could pick apart my excuse, so she moved back to her seat.
After the first five minutes of Mr. Howard talking, I couldn’t take it anymore. A migraine had set in and I put my head down to rest. I must have dozed off, because I sprang up stunned when Tara’s hand shook my arm. Her concern streamed from her fingertips and saturated my skin. I soaked it up before she pulled away.
